Is it better to leave the past behind, or reveal all to your partner. PT finds out
SHOULD one keep a secret or should one let the cat out of the bag? Should tell the entire truth or just reveal a bit? The questions are many and there are multiple answers for all. That there should be no hidden secrets in a marriage is what our moral lessons preach. But, can we actually put it into practice?
Archana Nair, psychological cousellor advices, “How much you want to reveal to your partner totally depends on what you want him to know. The questions you should ask yourself first: will bringing up the past help or harm your relationship? A successful marriage is built on trust and understanding. If you have understanding, there is nothing wrong with revealing your past.” But image consultant Sanket Sharma disagrees, “My experience suggests it is better to hold back information as it may not go down well with your partner. Sometimes, things from the past can create problems in a marriage. Digging up how many boyfriends or girlfriends you have had may not be accepted by all persons.”
HR professional Shristi Chandra*, who has not shared her past relationships with her husband, says, “The past is history. Why dig it up and ruin what is alive and happening today. Ours was an arranged marriage. Although he is understanding and caring, I have left my past where it ended. I do not need to open those pages of my life again.”
SHOULD one keep a secret or should one let the cat out of the bag? Should tell the entire truth or just reveal a bit? The questions are many and there are multiple answers for all. That there should be no hidden secrets in a marriage is what our moral lessons preach. But, can we actually put it into practice?
Archana Nair, psychological cousellor advices, “How much you want to reveal to your partner totally depends on what you want him to know. The questions you should ask yourself first: will bringing up the past help or harm your relationship? A successful marriage is built on trust and understanding. If you have understanding, there is nothing wrong with revealing your past.” But image consultant Sanket Sharma disagrees, “My experience suggests it is better to hold back information as it may not go down well with your partner. Sometimes, things from the past can create problems in a marriage. Digging up how many boyfriends or girlfriends you have had may not be accepted by all persons.”
HR professional Shristi Chandra*, who has not shared her past relationships with her husband, says, “The past is history. Why dig it up and ruin what is alive and happening today. Ours was an arranged marriage. Although he is understanding and caring, I have left my past where it ended. I do not need to open those pages of my life again.”
PR professional Anupam Goyal believes there are some things that are better left unsaid. warns, “Do not lie. But do not reveal everything either. Jealousy, insecurity stem from such situations.” Yet, there are those who are ready to take the risk. Megha Priyadarshi, hospitality professional told her husband everything as it was. She says, “I always believed that honesty is a strong base for any relationship. And, I was determined to speak the truth. Today, he trusts me completely. It disturbed him at first, but once I convinced him that I have left my past behind, there were no issues.”
Jealousy and doubts do crop up at times, but it’s better to be honest. Business manager Abhishek Puppala, says, “I was always honest about my past with my wife. In fact, she reacted very casually when I confessed about my affairs. It didn’t lead to any arguments as she trusted me. At times, she is curious to know more, but I know it’s because she wants to know me better.”
( *Some names have been changed for privacy)
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