TALK PLEASE

When you need to discuss something with your partner, do it. Never ever assume that your partner understands what you wish to say 

YOU say it best when you say nothing at all, sang Ronan Keating once. That line discusses the essence of life. Right? Wrong. For, when you need to say something, you must do so for the sake of clarity. Don’t keep mum, lest there are misunderstandings, fights or other situations that could have been avoided long ago. Those who have experienced similar situations vouch for speaking up than remaining silent. Hear freelance writer Nivedita Ghosh, who expected her husband to help her with the daily chores but failed to voice it. “I expected my husband to help me with the day-to-day chores as it would get really hectic for me in the morning. But he would be busy either reading the newspaper or working on the computer. Weeks later, when I spelt it out to him, he said ‘Why didn’t you tell me? Of course, I can help you out’. I regretted not voicing my expectations since things would have been a lot easier.” Marketing professional Aloke Mahapatra recalls a similar incident where his wife expected him to help. He says, “Since the day she has told me that she needs my help, I do my bit to help lessen her burden. It’s better to keep things clear cut. Men are really not good at mind reading. Expecting that we will read your mind every time is just not possible.” Why just men, even girls fail to understand their partner’s silence at times. Hear businessman Manish Nerlekar, who regrets not voicing his tension with his wife. “It was a bad month at work. Important deals had not worked out, and it has affected our finances. I didn’t share these issues with my wife. One day, she went out for shopping with her friends and splurged on dresses and accessories. When I returned, she was displaying her new collection and it put me off completely. I screamed at her, and she didn’t understand where she had gone wrong. Later, I realised it would have been so much better if I would have told her about the money crunch,” says he.

SPEAK YOUR MIND:
Expressing your thoughts can help your relationship blossom

Failing to express your concerns can lead to a lot of misunderstanding and create rifts between the couple. Sales manager Siddhant Jain narrates an incident, which led to a week-long tiff with his wife. “One evening, my wife came back home after a busy day at work. I could see that she was brooding over some issues. I really could not figure out what the problem was. Since she wasn’t talking to me, I thought she was angry with me. Her irritation led to unending fights. The reason behind her silence was something that had happened at work. Only if she had spoken about it, things would have been so much better.” Stress consultant Dr Sameer Bagewadikar feels that fake promises lead to unexpected expectations. He says, “It all depends on the time you give to each other. There has to be continuous communication to avoid misunderstandings in a relationship.” Stress consultant Dr Kunal Rasal adds, “If you don’t express your expectations, you will not get what you want.” Keeping quiet can lead to misunderstandings. But IT professional Snehal Modi has learnt a new lesson. Planning a surprise, at times, could also be a problem. She shares, “Every year on our anniversary, we plan the entire day. But, this year I thought of planning a surprise for him and he also was working on similar lines. 

The result: we ended up with two different surprises and both fell flat. I never thought that being mum about surprises could also ruin things.” Silence can be golden, but not always!