Let’s give it more time

Why are couples opting for extended courtship periods before marriage these days? PT reports

LOVE is in the air. Romance is blooming everywhere. And as couples in love wish that the courtship period never ends, many of them are extending the tenure of courtship to seven-eight years. 

This is so unlike the romances of yesteryear, in which such a relationship before tying the knot stretched for two years at the most. Each couple has their own set of reasons for extending the courtship period. Hear communications manager Bhavana Seth, who got married after wearing the commitment ring for six long years. “Although our parents wanted us to tie the knot soon after I finished my college, I wanted to buy some more time. So, I convinced them to get us engaged and went abroad for my masters. Meanwhile, my partner got busy with his career. After completing my studies, even I wanted to get some work experience and then consider getting married. This period, which was almost six years, helped us know each other and our respective families better. Today, the fact that I bond well with his parents and brothers is because we spent a lot of ‘informal’ time together,” says she.

Businessman Sahil Tanna credits his happy married life to his five years of courtship. He says, “It’s not that things wouldn’t have worked between me and my wife if we hadn’t spent those five years of courtship. But yes, those years formed the base for a long-lasting bond. Even though we met each other through an arranged marriage set-up, I like to call it a love marriage. I was really lucky that she understood when I told her I needed time before I could do the saat pheras. I wanted to set up my own business and couldn’t tell her how much time I would take to settle down, as it was a new venture. She stood by me throughout, without questioning even once about our marriage. The highs and the lows we saw during that time really helped us.” 

For most couples today, it could be their career aspirations that stop them from tying the knot. But there are other reasons that make them stretch their courtship period. Says consultant psychiatrist Dr Neville Misquitta, “There are many reasons why couples like to have a long courtship period. Sometimes, it’s because they want to ‘think it through’ before moving ahead. They want to be confident that they have made the right decision and keep postponing the final decision until they are sure.”

SLOW AND STEADY: 

Couples are spending time enjoying their courtship period

Psychiatrist Dr Amod Borkar, says, “The period helps them understand each others’ expectations and needs minutely, although there is nothing totally overwhelming about such stretched courtship periods. It’s just because of high expectations, and at times, the inability to understand your own needs and desires, that lead to confusion.” Whether it’s being certain about one’s choices or giving time to pursue your dreams, a courtship period can be the testing ground for a relationship. This is the time when you understand whether you are compatible enough to spend the rest of your life together. So, is it wrong or right to have a long courtship period? TV show host, former VJ and Arshad Warsi’s wife Maria Goretti answers, “It does not matter whether the courtship period is long or short. What matters is that you are together. There is no set rule, that if you have a long courtship period you will have a happy married life. What works for me might not work for you.” We agree!